n dec 04, i popped into plum village website and saw a good news - zen master thich nhat hanh (or popularly known as 'thay' which means (male) teacher in vietnamese) is coming home to vietnam! it was great news for me. i have not been in touch with the sangha for a year or so since i came to hanoi. secondly, i have always thought i would only meet him in western countries. and thirdly, he is allowed to come home after a long 39 years in exile which gives the trip an added significance. this is just too good to be true!

Thay's first stop back to vietnam is hanoi. still busy with teaching, i had left it aside for a while. i had not realized he was already in hanoi when i popped into the website again. i missed a public talk and decided that i shouldn't miss the next one. while i was looking for the location of chua lien phai (pagoda) on the map, phuong, my student, asked if she can join me. why not? i'm more than happy to have a companion and she fetched me on her motorbike the next morning.

When i saw thay for the first time, among the many elderly devotees, i was elated. i don't know why, but i was just very happy. i didn't realise there is english oral translation then, and i sat through his entire talk without understanding a word he said. phuong translated bits of his talk now and then. i was so happy i could finally attend a dharma talk after such a long while that i didn't mind not understanding it.

I attended a second talk alone at chua bang (pagoda). when i saw thay and his international sangha members walking in meditatively, i was almost in tears. because i have been living amongst noise and chaos and disorder that i was so relieved that someone is here to shine some light in. i looked for the english translation and being a first-timer, i naively thought earphones were provided. one of the delegation members saw me without my earphone and offered her spare pair. i was very grateful. i enjoyed the talk and decided that i would follow the sangha for as much part of the trip as i could.

My contract has well ended by then. i thought i would join the talks till my visa ends. when the new teacher came, i asked my boss if i could stay on till the on-going programmes are completed. i was still attached to my students then. my boss suggested instead that i leave at the end of jan and agreed to my requests of a return air ticket and 2 weeks' leave pay. with that, i felt blessed - i'm going for the entire trip! incidentally, the train ticket to saigon was discounted because of tet holiday. i was given 100 usd every month for transport (and living) expenses and all my salary were in sg. i made some financial calculations and decided that the amount i carry (plus that which would be given to me) would be enough to last the whole trip.

In feb 05, i departed for saigon, happy and free like a bird. for the first time, i felt i tasted freedom - free from a narrow-minded view of vn - to see what vietnam truly is and to be on a spiritual journey.